LEARNING OUTCOME 1
Revisions and drafts have become integral to the way I write my essays. From the beginning, we can see small signs of it, with small adjustments being made here and there, such as between my first and final draft of my first essay, I expand on my original thesis, adding more context to what I want to say. In the revised version, I decided to bring in this idea of an all-encompassing evil to counter Turkle’s own ideas.
First Draft
Final Draft
I also was able to fix a few formatting errors, such as not blocking a quote correctly, not quoting correctly and a few grammar and clarity problems (local revision) throughout. This is surface level ideas and revision, and was mostly given to me through the in class revisions. For Project #2, I wanted to go to the next level, with being able to change whole ideas and paragraphs to better fit for my essay (global revision) and to make sure I was able to get my idea across accordingly. A complete restructure of my thesis was needed between my first and final draft of this 2nd project, and upon doing so, it allowed me to see my essay from a different perspective and shifted what I wanted to talk about throughout the essay. These are the kinds of changes I need to be able to make in order to truly use the ability to revise my work and to give and receive feedback. I begin to focus more on the reliance on technology rather than just my connection with technology.
First Draft
Final Draft
For my first body paragraph in my first draft, I brought in a quote, but didn’t actually explain it. After realizing that this could lead to some misunderstandings, I then revised the structure of that paragraph to allow me to explain that quote and still lead into the next part with a good flow.
First Draft
Final Draft
This also led to me taking a good chunk of time to proofread through my entire essay and for a solid 40 minutes I re-read the entire essay before I was sure it was done to the best of my ability. This essay I believe showcases that I have properly learned how to revise and the differences between local and global revisions.
Links to Projects:
Project #1 Draft 1 and Final
Technology in relation to conversation – ENG 110.docx
Project #2 Draft 1 and Final
